Sour Grapes
by Phe-chan
Summary: Bikky is hospitalized due to food poisoning. What caused it? Ryo's not talking to Dee. BEHOLD, SHINY NEW CHAPTER SEVEN! Phe has bent to the unrelenting will of the masses...about time too.
1. One: What the?

a/n: Hello, all. This is my first FAKE fanfic. I haven't seen the anime (heck, I don't even know if it has an anime series). But, I have read a couple of the manga, which I enjoyed, hence: I am writing this. For already mentioned reasons, some characters may be OOC, and I may not be aware of the more intricate character relationships. But bear with me- I'm sure you'll like this. I don't own anyone from the series, yadda yadda, so don't sue me because I have no money anymore.

~Phe-chan.

SOUR GRAPES

Summary: Bikky is hospitalized due to food poisoning. What caused it? Ryo's not talking to Dee. Mystery, humor, and awkward moments mixed together with a spatula of doom.

One:

"Dee? What are you doing out here?" Carol, a young girl of sixteen paused outside a white door in an unknown general hospital. The man she was speaking to was Dee- a New York cop between the ages of twenty and thirty years. Dark hair fell into his eyes as he jerked his head up to glare at her. "Ryo won't let me in."

"What? He isn't speaking to you?" Dee groaned and got up from the cold floor he was sitting on.

"If he was, do you think I'd be out here? My, you're dense." 

"At least Ryo's not mad at _me._" Smirking, Carol shifted the bunch of flowers she was holding to her left hand, and opened the door, leaving Dee spluttering in jealous rage. The brilliant light white light of the room almost blinded Carol as she stepped inside. The curtains were thrown back from the window, and strong morning sunlight streamed in. Everything was sterilized, white and remarkably neat and tidy. Sitting in a chair by a hospital bed, another adult man dozed lightly. He was Western in appearance, with fair skin and hair, but as Carol softly pulled out dead flowers from a nearby vase, he opened an eye; the iris was almost completely black.

"Ryo, have you been here _all _night?" Carol put a hand on the man's forehead and looked at him with worry written all over her face. Ryo nodded sleepily as he stretched and yawned. "How is he?"

"It's difficult to say. I can hardly get a nurse or the doctor to stay in here long enough to tell me anything." Both of them sat together and looked at the motionless body of a teenage boy in the bed. Tubes were coming out of his mouth, and the stark cleanliness of the bed sheets looked strange against his chocolate coloured skin. Naturally blonde hair was thrown across the pillow.

"You know that Dee's outside, don't you?" Carol casually commented. Ryo snorted and stood up to tuck in the boy's bed sheets around him. "Know, care…what's the difference?" 

"Well, will you at least tell me why you look like you've swallowed a lemon? Your face is too nice for that kind of look." Ryo smiled thinly and allowed Carol to give him a friendly hug around the waist.

"When Bikky had to be taken to hospital," Ryo glanced at Carol's upturned face, "Dee was at my place. He _laughed._ He said it served the little monster right, even up to the point when Bikky was on the floor convulsing, and I had the phone in my hand, dialing for an ambulance. That's why I'm not talking to him. He disgusts me."

"Ahh." Carol patted the man's arm sympathetically. "Try not to worry so much. Bikky's got a strong, healthy body. He'll pull through. You'll see."

Ryo ruffled her hair. "Thanks Carol. I'll see you tonight?"

"Count on it!" Smiling, Carol quietly left the room, clicking the door shut. Dee sprang upon her.

"I want every detail, however grimy." 

Carol smirked, "My, my. You've certainly changed your tune. But wait…. I seem to be too dense to recall…" Right eye twitching, Dee pulled out his wallet.

"All right, how much do you want?"

"Twenty."

"Five."

"Fifteen."

"Ten."

"Done!" Taking the ten dollar note from him, Carol leaned in close and whispered, "Ryo's not talking to you because…"

"Because…." 

"He's mad at you!" Laughing, the girl ducked from beneath Dee's flailing fists and ran down the corridor.

"Wha? DAMN YOU, WENCH! SWINDLER! I ALREADY KNEW THAT! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!" Dee stamped his foot in rage and roared violently. 

"QUIET!" An elderly nurse materialized in front of him and clipped him sharply around the head. "This is a hospital, young man. Not some hooligan horse track." Abashed, Dee stared at his shoes.

"Yes Sister. Sorry Sister."

"If this happens again, I'll drag you out by your ears, understand?" The much larger man quailed before the overwhelming aura of the angered Sister.

"No need, I'm taking myself out." Pulling on his coat, Dee shot a look at the closed door of Bikky's room before sauntering out the main entrance. It looked like he'd be eating alone tonight. Damn! And just when he was in the mood for Japanese food, too.

* * *

Humming a tune to herself, Carol unpacked groceries she had just purchased on Ryo's kitchen counter. Tomatoes, cheese, mushrooms, and other assorted vegetables went in the fridge, while she searched for a place to put a bag of dry pasta. Since Bikky was hospitalized two days ago due to food poisoning, Carol had been told where the spare key to Ryo's apartment was, so she could let herself in when she liked. As a surprise, she was attempting to make dinner for her benefactor. He had enough on his mind to worry about. Poor Bikky…Carol bit her lip. Even though it was just a minor medical problem, she couldn't help thinking about her friend, how he would be all alone at night in a huge empty building. The reasoning part of her mind said that he wouldn't be alone. There were night shift nurses who checked on patients all the time. But they weren't the same. Sighing, Carol flopped on the sofa and flicked on the television. Bikky would be out of hospital in a week, surely. All bright eyes and full of perversion- his normal self. She floated indulgently in the memory of their first kiss while channel surfing. So engrossed was she, that she barely heard the front door opening

"Ryo?"

"Hmmm?" A voice mumbled a reply as it moved towards the bedroom.

"I'll start dinner in half an hour or so, kay?"

"Mmmhmm." That was it. Ryo must have been tired from the hospital, so he wanted to take a nap. Carol turned the volume of the TV down. Determined to prove her worth, she set about envisioning plans for her culinary masterpiece, or disaster. One or the other.

* * *

Stumbling out of the elevator, Ryo groped in his overcoat pocket for his keys. He left Bikky's side when the nurses finally convinced him that the teen wouldn't magically spring back to life if he sat and stared at him for long enough. A wonderful cooking smell was drifting through the halls, coming from his apartment? Curious, Ryo let himself in and took off his shoes and dumped his coat and backpack on the floor. 

"Carol? You here already?" He wandered into the kitchen where she was setting the table for two.

"Huh? Oh, you're awake Ryo! Good! Dinner's almost ready."

"What are you talking about? I just got home a few minutes ago." 

"Don't be stupid. I heard you come in after I had just finished with the groceries. I _talked _to you!

"Carol…"

"Yes?"

"That wasn't me." The glass Carol was holding slipped from her grasp and shattered on the floor. 

"Dear God!" Trying to calm her down, Ryo took a spatula in hand as a weapon and crept towards his bedroom. The door was ajar. A muffled breathing was heard from within. Inch by inch, he tiptoed to the edge of the luxurious bed. The quilt was lumpy shaped. The middle of the lump rose and fell with each breath it took. Steeling himself, Ryo ripped back the covers and mercilessly attacked the assailant in the dark with his kitchen utensil of doom.

"OOUUUUWW! WHAT THE HELL? RYO? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Dee was thrown out of the bed and crashed heavily on the floor.

"DEE?" Ryo kneeled on the mattress, feathers flying around his head. His eyes were wild with disbelieving anger. "WHAT ARE _YOU_ DOING IN _MY_ APARTMENT?" The dark haired cop faltered for a moment, floundering as he tried to find the right words that would save him from this awkward predicament.

"I came to see how you were holding up, you ungrateful little…and _this_ is the thanks I get?" 

"It is usually customary to seek the householder's permission to enter before breaking into their home."

"I didn't break in! I used the spare key hidden in the potted plant!"

"How would you know- forget it. I'm going to sleep now, Dee and when I wake up, you had better be gone." Gripping the spatula tightly, Ryo tromped from the room, leaving his partner sitting bewildered in a cloud of feathers.

Carol's fears that a convict, who liked taking advantage of pretty young girls, was asleep in Ryo's room were dispelled when she saw Dee stagger through the kitchen and slump in a chair at the table.

"Why didn't you say it was you when you came in?" She asked indignantly. The man waved her questions away and put his head in his hands.

"Damn, I could use a drink." Carol poured something red into a glass and handed it to him. "Cordial?" He said skeptically, "What are you, three years old?" 

"That or nothing." She replied coolly. "So, I heard some yelling through the walls. Was Ryo rough on you for breaking into his house?" 

"I DID NOT break in!" Dee stressed the words. 

"Well whatever you call it, it seemed to me that he was pretty upset to find you in there."

Dee did not reply, but instead- gazed at the silverware on the table, his face the picture of misery.

"Are you hungry?" He jumped, startled out of his reverie. "I'm not placing any bets that Ryo will come out and eat the dinner I prepared especially for him, that's all."

"Gee…thanks….I think?" Carol took his plate and dished him up something that was simmering on the stovetop. "What do you call this creation?" He poked the mess with a fork.

"Don't play with it. Just eat. It's a surprise." Resignedly, Dee began to eat. _Yeah, the surprise being that I'll be six feet under tomorrow morning…_ Swilling the rest of his drink, Dee got up to leave.

"Thanks for feeding me, Carol. I appreciate it."

"No worries, but Dee?"

"Yeah?" 

"Don't pull another stunt like this again. Ryo's having a hard enough time sitting up with Bikky at the hospital, without you making things difficult."

Dee frowned at her, with an air of adult superiority. Who was she to tell him what to do? "Whatever." Pulling on his coat, he paused in front of the closed door of the room that Ryo was holed up in. His fingers brushed the knob, but he thought the better of it. Well, at least he couldn't hide in there forever. Tomorrow was another working day. _He he he._


	2. Two: Ouch!

a/n: Thanks to all who reviewed last time, I really appreciate it. Keep reviewing please! Helpful suggestions & comments are always valued.

SOUR GRAPES

Two:

Ryo emerged from his room the next morning with dark rings around his eyes. It was painfully obvious he hadn't been sleeping when he poured juice instead of milk into his bowl of cereal. Carol gently corrected his mistake, as she had spent the night in the guest room. 

"You look like a train wreck! Are you sure you're alright to go to work today?" She asked as she prevented him from spreading powdered coffee on his toast.

"Yeah." He mumbled between mouthfuls, "Have to have money to live, don't I?" Idly, he glanced at the large clock ticking on the kitchen wall and gagged suddenly, thumping his chest to make the food go down his throat properly. "Is that the time?! Sorry Carol, but I have to go. Can you lock the door if you want to leave?" The girl smiled and waved goodbye.

"No problem. Have a nice day, Ryo. I'll tell Bikky you said hello." The air was cold and crisp as the newly employed constable stepped out on to the busy street outside his apartment block. Instinctively, he buttoned his heavy overcoat up to the neck and pulled his gloves on a little tighter. Everywhere, people were scurrying to work, their hands buried deep inside their pockets, and their cheeks and noses flushed pink from the biting chill. On street corners, vendors advertised their wares in crude voices; selling everything from newspapers and magazines, hot coffee at a $1.50 a cup, as well as warm donuts and paper bags of hot roasted chestnuts. Anything that the working population might need could be found on the streets of New York City, between the hours of eight in the morning, and four in the afternoon. Any earlier or later, and you're bound to find the vendors themselves fortified in the nearest warm diner, discussing profits, how the city was being taken over by pigeons, and how much they thought that the current president was a joke. It was a wonderful morning. The pavements were glittering with frost and the trees lining the streets hung thick with icicles. Ryo unfortunately, was blind to everything. Running across the pedestrian crossing, his mind was flashing similar thoughts over and over again; get to work, apologize to the chief, ask to leave early, avoid the stupid person, get to work… Indeed, Ryo had become so momentarily blind that he forgot to look where he was going, and ran with a reverberating _clang _in to the lamppost outside the precinct station. Luckily, none of his colleagues were present to witness his humiliation. Though it would be pretty damn hard to miss spotting the rising red welt in the middle of his forehead. Things just couldn't get any worse, could they? Ryo asked the question to himself sarcastically, taking the front stairs three at a time and springing through the main doors. Life as a funny way of being cruel to certain people when they're already down, like kicking someone in the ribs while they're on the floor. So it was for poor, morning-hating Ryo. Sitting in the middle of his desk, was Dee. Smugly, the other man smirked and sipped his coffee slowly. His attention-seeking ploy was working! 

"Good morning, Ryo. You look-" As Dee's eyes rose to meet Ryo's, his face became genuinely surprised. "What happened to you? Were you hit by a truck or something?" Ryo glared frostily and turned on his heel. Dee caught his arm firmly. "If you're done parading around on your high horse, your majesty, you'd realize that I was actually concerned for your wellbeing." Ryo wrenched himself free from his grasp 

"I have things to do. I'm paid to work Dee, not discuss idle pleasantries. Now, kindly move out of my way? I need to see the chief." 

"What the hell has gotten into you?"

Ryo was stubborn, "I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

"How should I know? You're the one who won't tell me anything!" Dee shouted, and all the bustle of the office stopped and looked quizzically at the arguing pair. Embarrassed, sleep depraved and disheveled, Ryo pushed his partner out of the way. Muttering under his breath, he vanished into the inner regions of the station, once again leaving Dee perplexed and annoyed. 

* * *

The atmosphere in the chief's office was hazy with cigarette smoke. The man himself sat in a swivel chair that was in dire need of repair or replacement, grumbling to himself from behind his desk. Worry lines all over his face had made him look older than he actually was, and his hair had begun to grey prematurely from stress. Irately, he motioned for Ryo to enter and sit as the younger man timidly opened the frosted glass door a crack.

"You're late." He observed moodily.

Ryo peeled off his gloves and stared at them. "Sorry sir, I-"

"Save it. I don't want excuses, just don't let it happen again, or next time, you won't find me nearly as pleasant as I am now!" Ryo gulped. The chief could currently be classified in his mind as purely venomous. He trembled to think that this was only the tip of the iceberg. The chief had turned away to rifle through some papers, but he spied Ryo from the corner of his eye. "You still sitting here? The city doesn't pay you minimum wage to bum around in my office and collect dust. Move it! Go fight crime! Or something…"

"Erm, I was hoping I could ask a favor of you, sir."

The chief's eyes narrowed, "What _kind_ of favor?"

"May I _please_ leave work early today?" Ryo clapped his hands together as if in prayer, "I need to visit someone in hospital." Despite rumors circulating the precinct, the chief was not entirely inhumane. Grunting, he shoved a folder stuffed with paperwork in his desk drawer. "Fine. But you better be here tomorrow for the dawn shift, plus your regular one. I won't have slackers on my force. Got that?" Ryo smiled gratefully. Finally, something in this lousy day went right. Just as he was turning into the corridor, he heard his name called out from inside the office. "But Ryo?…"

"Hmmm?"

"Drag a comb through your hair, will 'ya? You look like crap." Ryo's happy feeling was shot down with what felt like a machine gun. The chief, he thought- sensitive and caring as always.

* * *

Dee staked out the staff room, hovering above the coffee pot, and creeping out any person who dared to come near him to get a beverage. 

"Drake, do you know why Ryo's mad at me?"

"Huh?" Dee's co-worker blinked, "How the heck would I know that? You're his partner. Ask him yourself."

"I tried- but he gave me the cold shoulder."

"Really? That doesn't seem like him…"

"Trust me, dude. I swear, he's turning into a penguin." Drake stifled a yawn and shrugged.

"Pff. It's not like you two are married, or anything- so what are you all worked up about? Dee? DEE?" He waved a hand in front of Dee's glazed over eyes. To no avail. Dee was in his own private fantasy land, where Ryo was kept on a short leash with a minimal amount of clothing. Drake tapped his head, gaining no response. Bored, and slightly disturbed at the manner in which Dee was drooling all over the carpet, he glanced at the doorway, and the corridor leading to it.

"Oh, hi JJ. You're here early, aren't you?" The short and young constable smiled brightly. His stylish brown hair complemented his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess I am, but I was looking for-" In a short moment, he had scanned the staff room and stopped short of himself. "DEE!" Like a crazed maniac, he crash tackled the other man (who was still salivating at his perverted daydream). Instantly, Dee came to his senses, as he lay twisted on the floor, with JJ snuggled lovingly beside him. Drake looked at the pair. Then at his wristwatch, then at the spectacle on the floor again. Coughing, he gathered his mug and the few papers he had been carrying. "Ah, is that the time? Better run. Sorry to interrupt!" Making a hasty exit, he left Dee to fend for himself.

"NOOO!" Don't leave me, man!" To JJ he added, "Get off me, you sick freak!"

The other sniffed loudly, "Aww, don't you love me any more?"

"I never loved you to begin with, bonehead. Now _move_. Don't make me use my gun on you."

"We both know you'd never-" His sentiment was cut short as Dee gagged and rolled out from beneath his affectionate embrace. 

"Ryo! It's not what it looks like, I promise! Wait!" Ryo had disappeared, coffee mug in hand before Dee had time to even get up and cross the room. "Damn! Lost him again! This is all your fault, you moron."

"Why is it always my fault?"

"Because you can't keep your damn monkey paws off me, that's why. Stop that!" He slapped JJ's hand away, which had slowly been tracing a line down his back, to his belt.

"Waaaah! You never let me have any fun!"

"You want fun?" Dee snatched up a donut and grabbed his holster, "Inhale a cylinder full of Helium gas and join the circus."

* * *

A formidable mountain of paperwork was stacked on Ryo's desk. It had built up over the past couple of days that he'd spent at the hospital. Groaning, he slumped in his chair and pulled the nearest sheet towards him, pen in hand. He really wasn't in the mood for this right now, but it had to be done. Where the sheet of paper asked: NAME OF PARTNER?, Ryo paused. With a slight twitch of his eye, he scrawled, 'AMORAL JERK.' He felt satisfied by that. That page done, he reached for another from the stack. He was just about to write about how much an incompetent dolt Dee was when a hand squarely smacked the desk, making it rock.

"Enough is enough. Either you tell me why you're avoiding me, or I'll…I'll"

"You'll what?" Ryo's gaze was hard. "Laugh at me?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Why would I laugh at you?"

"Oh, I don't know…maybe because you seem to enjoy doing that- especially to sick children on the floor." His voice was a dangerous growl.

"Is _that _what this is about?" Dee matched Ryo's stare. "Ryo, you must believe me- if I had known Bikky was seriously ill that night, I would have been the first to help him." Ryo was about to rebuke when Dee clamped a hand over his mouth firmly. "I've said all I have to say. But do not, _ever_ presume to think that I would purposely let harm befall that kid." Ryo was stunned as Dee took his hand away, and licked it. "You got that, tasty?" Ryo recollected his wits enough for him to violently shove Dee off the desk, his face a deep shade of crimson.

"Go eat your lunch like a normal person, you maniac. I'm leaving."

"Kay! I'll be waiting for you, right here in this spot!"

"Great…" Ryo muttered under his breath as he stood and picked up his backpack.

"As long as you're waiting right there, in that spot," The chief materialized out of nowhere, freaking Dee out, "You can finish the paperwork that Ryo didn't get around to doing. Have fun!" Laughing huskily, he strode away.

"HEY! This is slave labor! I'll report you to the worker's union!" Dee's eyes slid down the page that Ryo had been scribbling on. "WHAT? _JERK?_ HOW DARE HE!! RYO!!" Outside the building, Ryo Maclean's face was smug.


	3. Three: Pretty hair

a/n: HELLO! How was everyone's Easter? Here's hoping that you all got plenty of chocolate; chocolate that is good for stimulating the mind and health, I'll have you know!

Moving on, thanks again to all who reviewed. You people are fantastic. So much so, I'm bowing under demands for more story. Enjoy reading. I know I had fun writing. (I just read book 5 of the FAKE manga- 

=^_____^= So cool…)

SOUR GRAPES

Three: 

"Thanks for the flowers Ryo, but I can't eat them. I'm really hungry." In the New York City General Hospital, Bikky sat up in bed, with his guardian Ryo beside him.

"How ironic-"

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, you were hospitalized for food poisoning, and now you suddenly want to eat more food? What do you have, a death wish?" The chocolate skinned boy grinned.

"Wouldn't do for me to waste away! You'd be left all alone with no one to protect you from that vile, gay pervert." Ryo made a strange face.

"I…don't know what you're talking about." he said. He panicked, and looked for an escape from the conversation as Bikky looked at him skeptically. 

"I talked to the doctor before I came in. He said that if you're _particularly_ good, you might be able to come home tonight." Bikky's face lit up with joy- the distraction had worked.

"Wow! Really? That's so cool! Please tell me you've got something edible at home. I can't live on this hospital food. I think it's stunting my growth." Ryo ruffled his hair affectionately. 

"Don't worry so much. That's my job." Suddenly remembering something, Ryo added, "Did Carol come and see you today?" Bikky smirked.

"Yeah, she was pretty worried about me, y'know?"

It was Ryo's turn to look skeptical. "Oh come on!" Bikky was indignant, "There's like- a whole army of adults swarming around this place- even if I wanted to-" He looked at Ryo and laughed nervously, "Not that I'd do anything like that, of course…ha, ha, ha."

"Hmm…" Ryo checked the time on his watch and nodded. "Well, it's almost time for me to go- you with me. Ready to bust out of this joint?" 

"With pleasure." Kicking off the covers, Bikky held out his arms and allowed Ryo to scoop him up off the bed. "Gee, you're cold. What have you been doing? Standing in a freezer at the supermarket?"

"Git. It's snowing outside."

"Oh." Bikky snuggled close to Ryo, sharing his warmth.

"Thanks." Ryo beamed down at him as they made their way down a corridor leading away from the private room. At the reception desk on the ground floor, Bikky was officially discharged. Someone had packed his things from his room into his bag, and once handed to Ryo, he began fishing out a warm sweater for Bikky to wear on the journey home. After a struggle, Ryo managed to pull it on him. Dissatisfied with the garment's reliability, he unbuttoned his own massive overcoat and bundled it firmly around his young charge. Bikky was not impressed.

"Man, this is so embarrassing!" Ryo clicked his tongue and knotted the huge, loose sleeves of the coat together.

"So you won't escape!" He chuckled, swinging an irritated Bikky into his arms. "Now, now. Don't look so annoyed. After this recent little adventure of yours, I need to keep my eye on you more often."

"Aww man! My age is in the double digits already! Deal with it!" His protests weren't paid any serious attention. Making a big show of not being able to hear him, Ryo edged out the door- almost immediately knocked backwards by an icy blast of wind that rushed up to greet him from the street. Hugging Bikky tighter, Ryo quickly walked to the curb.

"TAXI!" The yellow taxi cab driver acknowledged Ryo's cry, and swept his vehicle parallel to the gutter, where it came to a screeching halt. Carefully, Ryo managed to open the car door with one hand, and placed Bikky inside. Gently, he buckled the seatbelt over the boy's body.

"I'm not a total invalid y'know." Ryo smiled.

"I know. Just humor me. When I'm old and grey, you can strap me in a straight jacket for all that I'll care." Bikky's face softened as his eyelids drooped. As quietly as possible, Ryo closed the car door and slid into the passenger seat in front. As clouds swirled across a darkening sky, the taxi- one of many hundreds in the city, slipped sneakily into the crawling evening traffic. 

* * *

Dee was up to his eyeballs in neatly stacked, and organized papers. Some of them were reports; all the others consisted of memos that seemed to have accumulated over the past millennia on Ryo's desk. Dee had weeded out all the difficult things to fill in, and placed them in one offensive pile. They hurt his brain to look at them, so he threw them in the bin. No need to worry. JJ would find it when he on his daily rummage through the trash (in hope of finding pieces of Dee memorabilia) and fill it in himself. At least he was good for that much. Ryo had been gone a lot longer than he said he would. So long in fact, that Dee's nerves in his arm refused to respond to his mind's command to make his muscles move, in order for Dee to be able to look at his watch for the fifty-millionth time. The situation was bleak- the coffee and perverted fantasy supply was wearing dangerously thin. 

"Goodnight Dee." 

Dee smiled and replied sleepily, "Goodnight. Huh- that almost sounds like Ryo's voice…" He caught a familiar scent drifting towards him. "And that almost smells like Ryo." The main doors of the station slammed shut, and Dee was jerked into wakefulness. "Wha? _Hey!_ That _is_ Ryo! The bastard left without me! Dammit!" At top speed, Dee skidded down the hall and into the street. He spotted the object of his affection climbing into a cab. "Nooo!" Dramatically, Dee slid down the icy handrail of the stairs and catapulted himself onto the passenger window. Needless to say, his 'pretty' face was flattened like a pancake. 

Ryo wound down the glass window so his partner could breathe. "Uhhh….are you by any chance, trying to tell me something?" Dee gave him the Evil Eye.

"Did you forget that I said I'd wait for you to come back from the hospital?"

"No."

Dee was exasperated, "Then why did you just take off like that? _Again?_"

"You said you'd be waiting for me- there was nothing about coming home with me mentioned." Ryo said smugly. He glanced at Dee's forlorn and bruised face.

"Well, whatever you say about me, I'm not a heartless bastard. Get in next to Bikky. But don't you _dare_ wake him up. I doubt he would have any second thoughts (unlike myself) about pitching you out of the door and into peak hour traffic."

"Your generosity knows no bounds, sire." With a very slight smile, Dee brushed the snow off his jacket and clipped his seatbelt into place.

* * *

"My, my. The Prodigal Son returns! Welcome home, Bikky!" Carol stood in the living room, beaming happily as Ryo unwound his coat from Bikky's body. 

"Heh. Did you miss me?"

Carol smirked. "Yes. About as much as someone misses a thorn in their foot." Bikky's face fell, and he went into a dejected sulk. Turning to leave the welcoming party, he spotted Dee lurking by the window.

"YAH! What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

"What do you mean _'me'_?" Dee growled angrily, "I could ask you the same freakin' question!"

"What drugs are you on? I live here!" said Bikky, balling his fists in rage.

Quietly, Ryo and Carol gazed at the unfolding scene from the opposite side of the room.

"Those two will still be fighting when they're dead and buried." Carol muttered.

"Yep." Said Ryo, "So we better get them adjacent plots, huh?" The pair snickered. At that point, Bikky was attempting to gnaw Dee's leg off, and Ryo sighed. "Bikky, get that out of your mouth. You don't know where it's been."

Bikky gagged and spat out a scrap of Dee's pinstriped trousers.

"That was uncalled for!" Dee spluttered,"I'll have you know that I" Ryo didn't seem to hear him as he spoke to Carol.

"Would you like to stay for dinner again tonight?"

"That would be great, thanks Ryo. Do you mind if I use your phone? Just to let my folks know where I am?"

"HEY! DON'T IGNORE ME!"

"That's fine. You know where it is, so go right ahead."

"HELLO? I'M NOT INVISIBLE, BUT I FREAKIN' MIGHT AS WELL BE!" As Carol pattered from the room with Bikky, Dee sat crankily in front of Ryo, with his arms folded against his chest, not unlike a three year old child who has thrown a major tantrum.

"You need to learn to not be so temperamental."

"Tch. _You're _one to talk." Dee flicked strands of dark hair out of his eyes. "Anyone would think that you lived permanately on a soapy, you drama queen. What?" He snapped the last word. "What are you looking at?" Ryo, who had been studying the way Dee's mouth twitched when he was annoyed- tilted his head away to stare at the switched off television.

"…Nothing."

Dee sprang to his feet in sudden realization. "HAH! You can't lie to me! You were checking me out!" He proclaimed triumphantly.

"Wha? No I wasn't! Don't be ridiculous!" Ryo wasn't aware that he was trying to shout over the top of Dee. It was a pointless effort anyhow, as Dee currently was hearing renditions of angels singing and bells chiming in his mind.

"What…are you doing?" Ryo asked the other man nervously. No reply. Dee was inching his was towards him- attempting to look inconspicuous. There was something disturbing about the way Dee was looking at him…. Almost….hungrily.

"Keep away, I'm warning you!"

Dee was amused for a few moments. " You're _warning_ me, huh? What will you do though? I see no trusty spatula close at hand to flatten me with. My poor little Ryo, I do believe you are quite defenseless. " At those words, Dee had closed the distance between them and began to softly stroke Ryo's hair. Ryo squirmed- close to drowning in a mixture of embarrassment and fear of what might happen next.

"R~~~yo! Where are you? Carol's mum said that it was fine if she stayed over. Do you have any old shirts you could lend…YOU!" Bikky had returned, doubtless to say- earlier than expected. Picking up a vase, which happened to be the nearest heavy object, he flung it with all his might at Dee's head. 

"HOLY CRAP, THAT HURTS! You monster! Aren't you supposed to be an invalid or something? In _bed? Asleep? Now?"_ Brushing pottery shards off his lap, Ryo hastily moved away from Dee. He wanted to hug Bikky. 

"An old shirt, you say? I think I've got some in my bottom drawer. Come with me, and we'll find some." he said quickly. Gratefully, Ryo headed in the direction off his room. Blood was pumping in his ears like a sledgehammer. That little encounter with the over-zealous Dee was too close for comfort. Man, he could be so creepy sometimes!

Bikky had not followed Ryo straight away. He stood glaring at the broken cop in the living room; foiled once again in his attempts to get into Ryo's pants. Bikky wanted to make sure that it stayed that way.

"If you EVER touch MY Ryo like that again," He said dangerously, "I'll make you regret it."

"Pfff. You don't scare me kid. And who said Ryo was yours?"

"Me."

"So now every idiotic utterance that escapes your lips is law? I don't think so." 

"I've said my piece. But be warned. I do pay moderate attention in History class. Particularly ancient civilizations and their love of _castrating_ servants. Bikky smiled sweetly as the colour from Dee's face drained. 

"Goodnight, Dee. See you in the morning. If you are a good boy, you'll awake well, whole, and complete." As the boy vanished into Ryo's room, Dee subconsciously tightened his belt another notch.

"Damn!" he muttered, "Another chance wasted. But Ryo won't have his pint-sized protector around forever. The brat has to go to school for six hours a day, five days a week. Then there are the school camps…Mweheehee." Dee arched his fingers and silently began rehearsing 'cool' pick up lines and quotes for when Ryo would return. He'd come to say goodnight in that oh-so-sexy way of his and that's when he'd be rendered powerless, as well as naked by Dee's 'romantic/literary mind'. Sniffing his shirt cuffs to check that he smelled alluring, Dee paced the living room like a cat- confident that he would win the waiting game.

a/n: He he he…Will Dee succeed in his plans? Perhaps. Trust me, I know what some of his pick up lines are and well…to be frank- they suck. What will I arm Ryo with next? An eggbeater, perhaps? ^___^ 

Sorry to leave you on the edge of your seats, my fellow freaky FAKE fans-

No, change that. I'm not sorry at all! HA HA HA! :) 

Reviews are as always, appreciated.

~PHE-CHAN. 


	4. Four: Feelin' Frisky

a/n: You know you've been reading/thinking about FAKE too much if you start dreaming about them.

Let me explain:

A few nights ago, I dreamt that the Chief wanted to transfer Ryo away from the station for some unknown reason. In order for him to do that, he needed run off some papers on the photocopier. Don't ask me why, but the photocopier was coin operated. Dee and Berkley and gotten wind of the Chief's plans, hence; they stole all the loose change in the vicinity and Ryo wound up sticking around. Aww…

But enough chat of _my_ peculiarities. I'd be correct in assuming that you all came here to read whether the hunter, Dee catches his prey.

I'll be a good little slave to the masses and keep typing. Please don't hurt me.

SOUR GRAPES

Four:

Ryo rubbed his eyes as he closed Bikky's door behind him. Bikky didn't want him to leave, and to be honest- neither did Ryo. But he had to face Dee sometime. The sooner he put Dee in his place, the sooner he could snuggle up with a good book and go to sleep. Cautiously, Ryo stepped into the living room. Ack, Dee was still there, his normally green eyes gleaming a lustful yellow.

"Are the kiddies tucked up in bed, asleep?" Dee raised himself from the chair he was sitting in. Ryo had forgotten that Dee was taller than him.

"I wouldn't say they're exactly asleep…" Ryo said nervously. What he wouldn't give for Bikky to want a drink of water now!

"Well then, we'll just have to be extra quiet- won't we?"

"What do you mean _we_?" Ryo demanded.

Dee smirked. "Don't play the fool, Ryo. You know what's about to happen here."

"I _do?_" Ryo gulped.

"Yes."

In seconds, Dee had Ryo pinned against a wall. The clock was hanging just above them, ticking away; completely oblivious to what was transpiring below. Ryo squirmed. He hated being trapped like this. His eyes clearly portrayed his desperation to escape. Dee gazed at him quizzically.

"What's wrong?" he asked, "Don't you like me?"

"To like a person is one thing," Ryo snapped, "But _this _is quite another!"

Dee sighed and licked Ryo's cheek affectionately.

"You just don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

Dee caressed his face gently.

"Ryo, I like you. Maybe you don't realize it yet, but I think you might feel something more for me than what your pretty face lets on."

Ryo uttered a tiny, non-committal sounding squeak when Dee nuzzled his neck.

"Relax. Christ, it's not as though I'm going to hurt you or anything!"

"I…I know." Ryo stammered, "It's just…" Dee allowed himself the pleasure of running his fingers through Ryo's silky brown hair. The other man backed even further up against the wall, terrified out of his wits. In his haste, Ryo bashed his elbow on a wooden joint behind the wall. The vibrations of the collision snaked upwards, dislodging the clock and bringing it down with a thunderous _crash_ on Dee's head. Ryo seized his chance of escape.

"Dear, dear. Sit down, Dee. I'll get an icepack for that lump of yours."

Groaning and moaning dramatically, Dee obeyed and allowed Ryo to gingerly place the squishy, cold bag on his injury.

"You're lucky it's only a blow to the head." Ryo muttered.

"Lucky?" The dark haired man was grim. "How so? My beautiful head has been tragically disfigured! And do you care? Not one freakin' bit!"

"My poor clock. My Aunt picked that out for me when I first moved here…"

"_See!_" Dee accused.

"Oh pipe down! I was only joking." Ryo disappeared into the kitchen to find a bag to sweep the remains of the clock into. "If you're staying the night, you better go to sleep now or you'll be like a bear with a headache when you wake up." Ryo called from the other room.

As the light was switched off, Dee fumbled his way over to the couch and collapsed on it- resting his bruised head on a convenient cushion nearby.

So close. Dee lamented miserably to himself. _So close, and yet- so freakin' far. If it weren't for that stupid clock, I wouldn't be alone on this couch right now._ With difficulty, Dee rolled over on his side. He couldn't sleep, now. The quiet stillness of the apartment was almost too much he could bear. Simply knowing that Ryo was in the other room tormented him to the point of insanity. His skin…his hair…the way his lips parted slightly as he breathed in his sleep…Surely, it couldn't hurt? Just a look. Nothing further than _that? _Temptation wrestled Dee and won. He swung his feet from the couch and let them sink into the plush carpeting. Taking a moment to gain his bearings, Dee felt his way through the dark until his fingers closed over the edge of Ryo's bedroom door. Softly pushing it open, he smiled. Sprawled out on his luxurious king sized bed was Ryo, the twinkling city lights reflecting off his fine boned features. His arms were stretched out above his head; long but wiry underneath his silk pajamas. Dee reached out and pulled the coverlet over his love's chest. As he did so, Ryo mumbled something in his sleep, on the edge of a tangible dream. Dee caught a word or two and smirked. Though Ryo was tough as a clam to crack when he was awake, his feelings were clearly perceivable in sleep- free of all inhibitions. He just needed to be…reminded of them. Pinching a pillow that had fallen to the floor, Dee propped himself up against the wardrobe door and half closed his eyes.

"You don't fool me, Ryo." he whispered softly, "Not be a long shot."

THE NEXT MORNING…

"EEEEE! ATTACK OF THE PERVERT!" The sight of Dee's sleeping body draped across his father-figure's own confronted Bikky, who as usual bounded into Ryo's room to rudely wake him.

"Ha? Huh? What's going…on?" Ryo managed to mumble into his pillow, half-asleep.

"I'LL PROTECT YOU RYO!" His brain pierced by Bikky's squeals, Dee rolled over. Half an eye opened as he wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth.

"Yo lil' monster. What're you doing in here?"

"SHUT UP AND STAY STILL, THAT I MIGHT SMOTE YOU, VILE DEMON!" Like a cat, Bikky sprang from the floor and clung to Dee's face- growling and pulling his hair. Gasping for breath and trying to wrench the child from his vital respiratory openings, Dee fell out of bed. Bikky gripped him with the dexterity of a monkey, chomping on his ear. With a muffled scream of bloody murder, Dee lurched to his feet and careened out into the hall. Whether by divine providence or sheer stupid luck, he found himself in the bathroom.

"Mwohehehe. Ee bwafared two ee hoaked hucker." (TRANSLATION: "Mwuhahaha. Be prepared to be soaked, sucker.") Griping the glass shower screen, he slid it open, stepped inside and turned the cold water on to the equivalent of a tropical monsoon. Dripping wet and yowling, Bikky scrambled down Dee's body and ran bubbling tales of child abuse to Ryo- who was only now fully conscious that he was in fact awake.

Sniffling perhaps a little more than what was necessary, Bikky sat at the breakfast table and pulled faces at Dee hunched over his cereal opposite. Though Ryo supplied them both with towels and stern reprimands, Dee noted with jealousy that Ryo only gently rubbed _Bikky's_ hair dry and gave him warm milk to pour on his cereal. The boy delighted in pulling faces at his enemy when Ryo's back was turned and gleefully poked his tongue out as Ryo gave Dee a withering glance if ever the other man tried to pull a face to retaliate.

Dee's cereal had gone soggy and sank to the bottom of the bowl.

"Et tu, Rice Bubbles?" he mournfully spoke to them.

a/n 2: Waah, sorry sorry sorry! I've been so long in updating! But don't blame me! Blame the hideous evilness of mid year exams. That may well be the reason this chap. is a little …patchy. Hmm…well…I did like bits of it. But you people who read it are the ones who really benefit! Please leave a nice review? (mumblemutterunlikeSOMEstupididioticdoltswhocanbarelystringtwowordstogetherorhavesenseenoughtofreakin'readONandgrivefreakin'CONSTRUCTIVEadivicemumblemutter)

Well, to all the lovely people who like my writing, I thank you all very much. When I receive a review, it brightens up my day and makes me want to only incinerate flamers, instead of the alternative of incinerating and THEN grinding their ashes into the fecal matter of various barnyard animals.

==

Phe-chan.

PS. After exams, I'll give you a nice err…'zesty' chap of SG. My birthday present to you all.

PPS. To the nice reviewer who commented about the Chapter Heading- "Pretty Hair"...erm...I'm not sure why I did that. Perhaps I was just thinking that they had really nice hair at the time...shrugs Your guess unfortunately, is as good as mine.


	5. Five: Splat

a/n: Now exams are over, I can type away to my heart's content- yayness! ==

This chapter may contain some plot if I'm lucky…

SOUR GRAPES

Chapter Five

"Dee, how many fingers am I holding up?" Ryo Maclean stood beside an eye test chart taped to one wall of the shooting range room.

"…Err…three? And a half?" Dee Laytner said hopefully as he squinted in the other man's direction. Ryo glanced down at his hand and shook his head.

"It was two, Dee. You probably need glasses-that's why you've been getting all those headaches lately." Dee scowled and made to pack up his uniform and training equipment in a worn black sports bag.

"No way I'm getting specs. I'll be geek boy of the century."

"Are you implying that _I'm_ a geek? I wear them on occasion." Ryo arched an eyebrow.

"You know that's different." Dee slung the bag over his shoulder pulled the protective goggles from his face, dumping them in a box nearby with others of its kind. "It's better in most regards if you remain the sight impaired one anyway." Ryo yawned. Ever since Dee had been staying over, he didn't seem to be getting much sleep- though it wasn't for lack of trying…

"Why is that?" he inquired, also removing his goggles but handing them to Drake who was passing nearby.

"Well for one thing, it makes it more difficult for you to spot me and run away when I try to begin a little friendly conversation."

"Conversation?" Ryo half laughed and half choked, "I think you have that word confused with something else." Dee smiled and tugged Ryo's ear gently.

"Maybe so, but I do understand one thing: at least I don't need to see to know exactly where you are in a dark room! Hint hint?" Snickering, Dee waltzed away…directly into the snack vending machine.

"You deserved that."

"LAYTNER! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!" The early morning cry of the chief-animal permeated the air of its office-forest, startling the skittish native inhabitants.

"Crap." The delighted response of the Dee-animal, scientifically known as _Laytner Lazius._ "Sorry to crunch the enthralling conversation Ted."

A male officer with a gullible smile and social office status akin to the paper shredder-waved Dee away.

"Alright then, go- but remember, it could happen!"

"Ok…sure. Next time I see something moving in the back of my refrigerator, I'll allow it to grow and evolve into a highly intelligent form of life. See you."

The chief barely glanced up as Dee slunk into the room.

"Word is, you're going blind." Dee looked as though he'd discovered something slimy and revolting slithering around in one of his socks.

"Who told you that?" he demanded.

The chief arched an eyebrow as he examined a piece of paper in front of him. To an ordinary person, much like you or me- it was dull and boring, perhaps in our minds, fit for doodling on or making a paper airplane with. But to the chief, it appeared to be incredibly and inexplicably fascinating. Or maybe he just liked the brilliant whiteness bouncing off the paper and beaming through his retinas. Either way, that paper seemed to be the most amazing thing in the universe at that particular moment in time.

"The Mocha-Chino Monsters. What of it?"

Dee groaned and prevented himself from beating himself around the head with the chief's desk lamp. The Mocha-Chino Monsters were a coven of female officers and station receptionists who spent all of their free work time in the staff room, guzzling mocha-chinos, wolfing down expensive imported biscotti and all around nit picking their co-workers faults and personal lives. No one within those walls had a secret they didn't know about. And if they did, the Mocha-Chino Monsters had people working on the problem.

"Laytner, either you submit to some weirdo poking your eyeballs or you're off the Force. A grammatically correct answer? Or is that beyond your capabilities?"

Dee wound his fingers through his short hair.

"Do I have to foot the bill if work needs to be done?" He cupped his hands around his eyes and smiled inquiringly.

"Idiot. Your health plan should cover it. Unless you brought it from a scalper in a back ally like your car insurance…"

Hot faced, Dee glared.

"That was when I was like…fifteen years old!"

"Twenty-six." The chief corrected.

"Whatever. So the fact of the matter is, I could get the most expensive specs in the joint- with built in windscreen wipers and digital TV…and _work_ has to pay for it all?"

"Yes…well…_wait_ a minute. Don't you dare!" The amazing piece of paper was crushed in the chief's hand as the chair he was sitting in squealed backwards violently. "We don't have the kind of funds for that fancy crap. Get the bottom of glass bottles in frames for all I care, but you overstep the budget and I'll make you sorry." The chief, who we must remember as being a short and stocky man, glowed red like the setting sun. The anger radiating off his skin would have been enough to warm a household of shaven polar bears for a year and a day quite comfortably.

"What will you do?" Dee smirked- feeling satisfactorily victorious, "Take away my milk money?"

"Not only that boy," glowered the chief, "But I'll take away the coffee, gun and desk that goes with it. Does the small minded creature comprehend?"

Muttering, Dee replied, "I'll stick the gun up your…"

"Pardon? _I didn't seem to hear you._"

Forcing a laugh from somewhere below his pancreas, Dee made his lips turn up in a thin smile. "Recommend any good optometrists?"

"You shouldn't freak out so much, Dee." Ryo shook his head as he tried vainly to stop Dee chewing his fingernails nervously as they walked down the street together. "I mean, how much can laser surgery hurt…Really?"

"Thanks for caring Ryo…" Dee lamented; now feeling the warmth seep from his flesh. "You made me feel _so_ much better."

"It may not even come to that."

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, I can open the door myself! Do I have the word 'BLIND' tattooed on my forehead or something?"

Ryo squinted at Dee's face.

"No, but what the heck have you been doing with Drake? You're covered with purple pen ink!"

"Erm…pen wars." Dee replied, biting his lip. "What? It was for the last Mars Bar!" Dee dug out his last resort as Ryo rolled his eyes and sighed the familiar sigh. "Aren't you proud that I won?"

"Very." Ryo remarked dryly, "Now hold still- I think I can get some of it off-"

Dee instantaneously chose to then find the door slide through it, leaving Ryo grabbing empty air.

"There! I can find the door! Can we go home now?"

"No." Nice, kind Ryo said flatly. "It'll take all of twenty minutes. Now shut up and walk." His hands firmly on Dee's shoulders, Ryo steered Dee into the quiet little office space. Children on the floor played with a basket of toys while their mothers flipped through magazines. Glass display cases around the walls highlighted a vast multitude of frames; big, small, round, square, red, blue, black, orange, tortoiseshell, and…feathery? Looking at those frames and feeling slightly disturbed, Dee walked into the reception desk and bashed his shins.

"Yes? Can I help you at all sir?" Reception man…or woman seemed pleasant enough, disregarding fuzziness through which Dee saw them.

"Erm…I think so. I had an appointment made for me? Under Dee Laytner." Tapping sounds of a keyboard and small 'uh huh' noises from the occupant of the desk.

"Please take a seat. The optometrist will be with you shortly." Sitting down with Ryo on supposedly stylish but highly uncomfortable chairs, Dee opened his wallet to check he had enough money to pay for the visit.

"Hey, Ryo? Can you tell me how much this is?"

"A fifty."

"Ahh…good, good." Dee replied, tucking the money back into its safe leather compartment.

"Mummy! Mummy! Look! A policeman!" One of the fuzzy blobs on the floor spotted Dee's badge inside his open wallet and wandered up to him, pointing and smiling with youthful awe and wonder.

"Shhh! Don't stare at people Sam, it's rude!" Unsuccessfully, the mother tried to drag her wriggling child away while keeping a hold on her magazine.

"I'm so sorry," she said apologetically to Dee. "He just loves to talk to people- even strangers." Both Dee and Ryo smiled.

"It's ok. Ryo said, pulling out his own wallet. "Would you like to see _my_ badge?" Small gasps of absolute happiness from the youngster.

"WOW! Look, Mummy! _Mummy!_ You're _not_ looking!"

Then came a sound of a pair of high heels crossing floorboards to carpeting.

"Mr. Laytner?" Dee shook the offered hand with neat, manicured nails painted a violent shade of red.

"Uhh…hello?" A tinkling laugh as the hand left his.

"Jill Renolds, Mr. Laytner. I'll be examining your eyes today. Right this way…no…that's the women's lavatory."

"Ahaha..Ha…" Rounding off his nervous laugh with a subtle cough, Dee made his way through the corridor, following the thin fuzzy blob.

"Now, seat yourself on this chair…very good. Feet here…look straight ahead, right about…_now._" A bright light shone directly into Dee's eyes, almost blinding him completely.

"Hmmm…" murmured Ms Renolds.

"Hmmm…what?" Dee said, "You're not going to scoop out my eyeballs with a melon baller, are you?" he gulped.

Ms Renolds laughed, "Not today. I was just going to say that you have pretty eyes. Such a nice green colour, too." Though of course Dee was full aware of his own natural beauty, it still made him slightly embarrassed when people paid him complements. Especially people he had known for all of three minutes.

The light swung out and away to the left, and the optometrist scribbled down some notes on a piece of paper before pointing to a chart.

"Can you read the top line for me?"

"Uhh…R…T…. S…err…U? 12?" The woman sighed.

"I think you can stop there…" Rummaging around in her cabinet, she pulled out a pair of test frames and slid them gently on his face. "How about now? Can you see?" Dee gasped. Everything within the room was clear as crystal, detailed and precise. He could see!

"Fantastic." he said, restrainedly enthralled.

"Alright then." she announced as she jotted down some more notes and pulled a small box off a shelf.

"You'll either need to wear some glasses or contacts. Which would you prefer-"

"Contacts." Dee said abruptly. There were no two ways about it. Vanity and Self-Conscience had banded together to beat Better Judgement with a vacuum cleaner hose into unconsciousness.

"I thought that might be the case," she replied absently, "So I fished these out. Here, I'll show you how to put them in…"

The first thing Dee did when he walked out the reception area and into the street was to grab Ryo and kiss him on the nose.

"What was that for?" Ryo demanded indignantly, rubbing his nose so hard, it turned pink.

"Can't a man test out his new eyes without being given the third degree? Man almighty…" Though his words sounded harsh, they lacked sting. Dee smiled warmly, and with a hand loosely hooked in Ryo's shoulder holster, dragged him away down the darkening street.

"Now it's my turn to lead _you_ somewhere." he murmured. Whether to himself or at Ryo, the other man couldn't guess.

Every so often Dee stopped at a crowded street corner, looked around and turned down an unfamiliar street. Ryo stopped trying to remember all the turns they took after the eighth block they ambled down. Ryo admitted to himself that Dee _did_ look kind of cute- he seemed so happy to be out and about. But at the same time, he looked a smidge alarming. A type of thought out concentration was visible even in the way he walked; shoulders back, head held high, and that hand still insufferably attached to Ryo's holster, within his jacket. In the passing moment where Dee glanced back at him lovingly, Ryo furiously hoped that the other wouldn't feel the painful flip-flopping of his heart inside his chest. Ryo hated feeling like that. It was too uncomfortable.

At length, Dee shortened his stride and pulled Ryo across a busy street. Once safely over, the pair craned their necks upwards and gazed at the snow blanketed trees. This in itself wasn't entirely remarkable, for they were now in Central Park. Dee let go of Ryo's holster in favour of taking him by the arm.

"Come on," he said. "I saw this on our way over…thought it might be…y'know…fun."

"You're being very suspicious." Ryo said, but allowing himself to be led all the same.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise…at least for a few minutes, anyway." Each man's step shadowed the other, in perfect rhythm- crunching the soft fallen snow underfoot. The clouds of warm breath vaporizing in the chilled air increased, as did the heartbeats. Still they walked- intertwined, by more than each other's arms.

"Here we are!" Dee announced gleefully, "Surprised?" Ryo widened his eyes and nodded slightly. They were at the edge of Central Park Lake, now completely frozen by the crisp winter weather. Street-lamps lining the lake shore cast darting and twirling figures on its surface- in a pale yellow glow.

"Do you skate?" Dee asked, walking towards a man whom was renting ice-skates from a weather beaten cart.

"Huh…kinda…" Ryo nervously mumbled, sitting down with Dee on a bench and pulling off his shoes. "I haven't been out on the ice since I was shorter than Bikky!"

"Hmm..Well, I guess you could say it's just like riding a bike. And if you start to fall- I'll catch you, don't worry." Tying the laces of both their shoes together, he entrusted them in the care of the skate-renter and held Ryo's hand as the brown-haired one tentatively clacked down to the lake's edge. Dee stepped out first and turned around to pull Ryo out. It was amazing, Ryo thought, how much you can feel like you're floating- skating on something that technically; you should be drowning in. The pair left the speed skaters and young children the edge of the lake and slid slowly towards the center.

"Pretty cool, huh?"

"Yes…cool. " Ryo remarked absently- trying not to make a complete idiot of himself by falling flat on his face.

"…Ryo?"

__

Uh-oh said Ryo's brain, _watch out- that bastard's being sneaky again!_ "Hmm? What?"

"I know you'll probably hate me for this…but…"

__

RUN! IF YOU CAN'T RUN THEN **CRAWL**, DAMMIT!

"I don't know if I'll ever catch you like this again." Dee leaned in and kissed Ryo full on lips. Passionately, tenderly…both and yet neither one at once. Ryo's first reaction was one of absolute horror. This wasn't like they were in their apartments- but in a public place. People might _see_ them…People might…

__

Well, you got yourself in this mess. Screw the people…Might as well enjoy it, hadn't you? Ryo caught the front of Dee's coat and pulled him in closer. Now both hearts were thumping wildly together on the cold ice.

"Uhh…Dee?"

"Hnn?" the other man mumbled, trying to shut Ryo up by kissing him some more.

"DEE!"

"WHAT?" It was obvious when he raised his head. An out of control figure skater was cannon balling directly at them- her partner standing in the distance and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He'd get his head verbally blown off when he'd be bandaging her ankle. A flurry of shaven ice, and a swift **thud** saw all three entangled in a confused heap of skates, coats and limbs.

"That had to happen _now_." Dee muttered glaring at the girl as he helped his skating-impaired love up.

"I'm sorry!" She burst, her partner tentatively approaching and picking her up. "It's all his fault!" Even when the pair left, their argument could be heard drifting through the overhanging trees.

"Care to share in the humor, Mister Funnyman?" Dee said, shooting Ryo a curious look as both of them limped off the ice.

"It's just those two so reminded me of Carol and Bikky." Ryo said with a wide smile as he returned the skates and collected their shoes. "It's quite disturbing."

"I'll say, now that you mention it." Huddled close for warmth, the couple found their way back to the main street. Dee called a taxi and fifteen minutes later (A time mostly spent by Ryo vainly attempting to stop Dee fondling him) and they were both defrosting inside Ryo's snug apartment. Bikky had left a note explaining he was at one of his friend's houses watching movies and that Carol had finally gone back to live in her real home, by supreme judgement of the author in this current chapter. Hot coffee was swigged, and jam donuts scoffed and they sat in relatively comfortable silence together on Ryo's wide and squishy leather couch. Of course, nothing calm and quiet can be maintained for long when Dee is in the room.

"So," he began idly, Ryo's feet resting on his knees, as the brown-haired one lay sprawled backwards on the couch. "How's about we picked up where we left off? Before we were so rudely interrupted?"

"What do you mean, so…hey! What are you doing!" Ryo exclaimed- now becoming aware that Dee was pulling him closer towards him by feet.

"I'm cold. Your legs are warm," he said simply. "And…yes, so is your stomach…" Dee's hand traced along well-defined muscles underneath Ryo's shirt. Ryo made no move to stop him, but just looked at him sort of worriedly. He winced as Dee pulled back his shirt to reveal a vast and blackening bruise; spreading from the side of his left hip, to underneath and across his narrow back.

"Must have fallen harder than I thought…" he murmured, eyes still fixated on Dee.

"Yes…ice has a tendency to inflict these sort of injuries, but luckily…I know the cure." He gently bent down and kissed the bruise and worked his way up to Ryo's upturned face. "Feel better?"

"A little." Ryo squeaked.

"How about now?" Dee again kissed him on the mouth, his hands cradling Ryo's head. This time, it was heavily laced with lust, love and need. Blood rushed to heads as they tore apart for air.

"Ryo," Dee breathed heavily, "You are singly the most amazing person I've ever met, y'know that, right?"

"I…think…" Ryo began to say quietly- his hands brushing Dee's dark hair out of his face.

"Yes?"

"…I don't know what to think…does that make sense?" his voice screamed apprehension to an observer.

Dee groaned and propped his arms on Ryo's torso, shaking his head slightly. He loathed spilling his innards to another without gaining _any_ kind of positive response. Though he didn't like to admit it, it was hurtful in a way. "Tragically perfect sense." As the strained silence that followed crawled by, Ryo lightly touched Dee on the leg.

"…I'm sorry."

"Pff." Dee looked down at him with unreadable features, "One day I'll catch you when this brick wall you've got built around yourself has crumbled into the dust. I'll catch you and nothing will make me let go, understand? I'm greedy. I want you all to myself- the whole enchilada."

Enchilada? Whispered the little voice in Ryo's brain again. _What, he has a craving for Mexican food?_


	6. Six: The horrors of shopping

SOUR GRAPES

Chapter Six

"Bikky? What on Earth are you doing up so late?" Ryo shuffled sleepily into the kitchen of his apartment- dressed in his most faded, yet comfortable pyjamas and extra thick socks on his feet, for the floors were very cold at this time of year. The windows were frosted with crystals and if it weren't for some type of heating, you'd very likely freeze to death in your own home. A disturbing possibility, but convenient nonetheless. The young chocolate skinned boy blinked- ruffling his blonde hair and yawing widely, exposing his sharp Dee-chomping teeth. In front of him on the worn kitchen table was a glossy catalog. Not even one plugging sports equipment or video games…but _jewelry? _Bikky was too tired to even make an attempt to hide it.

"What's all this about then? Getting a gift for someone?"

"Maybe…" the boy replied a little warily. "Why?" Ryo worked out the cricks in his neck and yawned as well. His ice-skating bruise mapping a broad expanse of his back had not faded, making it difficult to sleep and move properly.

"No reason. I was just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat, don'cha know?" The man laughed quietly.

"Yes, I suppose you're right…Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"That's ok." Bikky rubbed his eyes and went to the sink to get a glass of water. "Carol." he said, slumping down his chair again.

"Hnn? What does Carol have to do with anything?"

"No. I meant that I'm getting something for Carol. I just…don't know what yet."

"Ahh," Ryo smiled knowingly, "The elusive gift. Do you have any ideas? What's the occasion?"

"Mmm…wait…" Bikky mumbled, "I'll remember in a second. Oh, right. She got the lead in the school play, and I wanted to get her…y'know, something small to say congrats. And besides from the knowledge that I know she likes all things shiny and sparkly- I'm treading water." Ryo pulled the catalog towards him and skimmed through it.

"Do you have enough money? I could lend you some if you wanted."

Bikky stretched his arms. "Nah. I have some saved."

"I see…so you've been planning this for a long time?" Ryo chewed his lip to prevent an even wider smile surfacing.

"WHAT? NO…I umm." Bikky felt himself go crimson.

"Don't be embarrassed. I think it's cute!" _Unlike that cave man Dee…mumble mutter_

"_RYO! _Cute _wasn't _what I was going for." Ryo attempted not to snicker at his adoptive miniature grouch as he patted its blonde head.

"Well, it's no good loosing sleep over if you can't decide now. Go to bed. I'm working the early shift tomorrow, so after that we could go and look for something together if you want." Bikky glomped the man as he got up from his chair.

"Thank-you _so_ much, Ryo! Really! Really, really! Really, really real-"

"Alright," Ryo cut across him, "I think you've made your point. Go on, get to bed. Scoot!" Roughly folding the catalog into a square, Ryo handed it to Bikky and ushered him down the hallway into his room. Bikky was asleep even before his head grazed the pillow. Pulling the covers over him and switching off the light, Ryo left to clean up the mess Bikky had made in the kitchen before drifting off to sleep himself.

_Isn't it funny,_ he thought wearily, _how much Bikky has grown up in a scant few years? Though I'll still be calling him cute when he gets married to Carol and has kids…hehehe._

"What do you mean, _no?_ Why the hell not?" Dee and Ryo sat together in their squad car after a hard morning's work. Two criminals bagged and close to one metric ton of paperwork completed.

"Look, I'd like to- but I promised Bikky I'd take him shopping."

Dee snorted humorously. "_Shopping?_"

"Grow up, you dolt. It's not for himself. " Ryo opened the glove compartment to retrieve his wallet and glasses. They were hard to find among the bag of squashy toffee, spilt bag of M&M's and discarded foil and wrappers from numerous chocolate bars. Dee never was a morning person, and needed his caffeine and sugar fix avaliable at all times. His Ryo fix however…well, that was a little more difficult to obtain.

"Then who for? I always thought that the little snot was too selfish to even consider anyone else but his own person."

"You know, if you two weren't always trying to kill each other, you might discover that you'd get along."

"Yeah…_sure._" Dee rolled his eyes.

Ryo found the items he had been searching for, wiped some sugary goo off them with a tissue, and turned around to reach for his coat on the back seat. Just as he settled back in the front and made to open the door, Dee laid a hand on his arm. "You'll think about it, then?" Ryo paused then smiled awkwardly.

"Hmm." he murmered, sliding out of the car. "Thanks for the lift Dee, see you tomorrow." He shut door firmly and began walking to the shopping center where he was meeting Bikky.

"Mean spirited, sexy beast." Dee muttered as he pulled away and out into the busy weekend traffic, back towards the station. "Not even a kiss goodbye." He licked his lips and continued cursing quietly. He'd have to wait to get his fix another time.

Ryo, meanwhile was struggling to find is way through the shining maze of floors, escalators, lifts and shops that was the shopping center. Everywhere he looked were people walking quickly in every direction imaginable. Had Ryo not known that to walk on walls and ceilings were impossible- he'd have sworn that there'd be people scurrying along those as well. He glanced sideways at a young lady who was seemingly carrying twelve bags of purchases at once. Was that even humanely possible? Really? She made it look easy- not even breaking a slight sweat. Natural instincts of self-preservation began to kick in deep within Ryo's bodily system. He had to find Bikky, get the gift then flee to the sanctuary of open air. With a tangible sense of helplessness in this huge place, Ryo wandered like a blind man to the appointed meeting place. Sure enough- there was Bikky, looking like a cornered cat against a gaudy sales poster on the exterior wall of a department store.

"Shall we?"

"Yes." Bikky replied, taking out his wallet and feeling inexplicably queazy. "But if I die beneath a sales table, trampled underfoot- don't give me an open coffin funeral."

a/n:

Phe looks at the floor, ashamed Wahh! I feel so guilty! All of these nice people have been reviewing, and I've written barely anything! clunks head on desk I'm sorry. I'm on term break now, so maybe I'll get lots posted to half make up for it.

HOWEVER, I haven't been entirely lazy. I now have a potential career in professional writing, seeing as I CONQUERED my local youth short story competion!! Winning that maybe has poked me in the gut (metaphorically, don't be alarmed), and inspired me to keep practicing my horrific literary skills, which strangely enough, others seem to enjoy.

And finally…I felt the need to really thank everyone who has been coaxing this story along (ashamedly plot-less as it is…). You people are brilliant.

Tyger- my darling beloved person. Glomps

Itsame

The Random Queen

kheal-chan

Kitty in the Box

AngelDragon

sacrilege

a person

Linastar

Daftsage

Devil666sc

Happy Utena-Loving Yuki

Chris-Redfield26

Saku-chan (heeheehee…my Kizu buddy )

heart of flame

Rikki-the-Fox

Puppy- Hey, opinions speak volumes. I'll be legally adult next year- mwahahaha! (shifty eyes)

Sorry if I forgot anyone! Don't take it personally- I'm already half asleep, so it's just a mistake.

Ryo: "Thank-you for coming to read Phe's fic-let. She appreciates it."

Dee: Sobs

Ryo: "Uhh…what are you crying about?"

Dee: "Your…your…" Points to Ryo's pants

Ryo: "Huh? My pants?…I've still got them, what's the problem?"

Dee: "THAT'S THE ENTIRE PROBLEM!!" Breaks down further into tears of wretchedness

Ryo: One eye twitching "Of all the people in the world…I get stuck with the sensitive pervert…" Goes away to iron shirts

Dee: "Hopefully this pants error will be corrected in further chapters…It BETTER, dammit!" Shakes fist


	7. Seven: Will They Ever Escape Alive?

SOUR GRAPES

Chapter Seven

"Whatever you do Bikky, do _not_ make any sudden movements. Understand?" Ryo muttered from the side of his mouth. Bikky whimpered his agreement and clutched tightly at the sleeve of his guardian's jacket. He looked fearfully around at the stampeding shoppers, feeling trapped and vulnerable like the many miserable souls who get caught in the perfume aisle of department stores and are inevitably sprayed to death with the latest French scent in elaborate glass bottles. Both males looked at the people coming out of expensive clothing stores. They were either sticks wearing dresses with painted on faces, or a particularly slimy yet garden variety of male miscreant- picking clothes for his latest female possession to wear.

The walls bounced with the eerie and hollow tunes of a long forgotten pop band who rose to political power when their fame was at its peak, impacting present day society by allowing only fluffy slippers of pink colouration to be sold in stores. It was like being inside a music box of a thoroughly sick giant. Everything was going around in circles. Enough to make you sick if you stood in the same place for too long, like drinking a milkshake on a merry-go-round.

Ryo steeled himself by taking a deep breath and gripping Bikky's shoulder. He had promised to help the lad find a gift for Carol. And if by doing so it was the last thing that he ever did, Ryo wanted it to be the gift of a lifetime (as well as possibly having a hundred foot, solid gold statue of him built in his memory and placed in the middle of the city).

"Are you ready?" Ryo said.

"Not in the least," said Bikky, "but at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you didn't die by the hands of the Evil One." Sad to say that Ryo didn't have to enquire as to whom Bikky was referring to when he mentioned the 'Evil One'. It was one of the many variants Bikky had devised for Dee's name. Ryo felt a surge of regret when he thought about the stupidly loveable Dee. If only he hadn't promised Bikky to take him out! If only he hadn't blown Dee off so easily! He could have escaped the gleaming confines of this hellish cuckoo clock prison! He was trapped forever! Nooooo!!

"Oi, Ryo! Move out of the way!" Ryo was pulled to the side by Bikky to allow a diminutive man scuttle past, carrying a pile of packages that he could barely see over the top of.

"Oh, I'm so sorry sir-" Ryo called back into the pulsating crowd. He may have been apologizing to the electronic center map because the response would have been exactly the same.

Like two lost explorers battling their way through perilous and tiger invested jungles, Bikky (the leader) and Ryo (the pack mule) journeyed onwards into the great unknown of reflective floors and vaulted ceilings. It was midmorning when Bikky deemed it necessary to halt for a refreshment break by a convenient ice-cream booth. The pair had trekked for hours without so much spotting a sparkle of a jewelry store. The situation was looking bleak. Ryo was compelled to do the annoying and patented licking-his-hanky-then-wiping-it-over-Bikky's-face-to-clean-spilt-ice-cream bit. Now feeling as though he'd very much like to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment, Bikky pulled down the brim of his baseball cap and shuffled onwards.

At lunch, they discovered that they weren't on the accessory/jewelry floor at all, after asking the nice girl behind the Curry Counter. The leader's feet dragged and he instead allowed his faithful pack mule to drag him steadily along. Down an escalator and up two floors in a lift they found their El Dorado. A city, err, I mean _floor_ of gold and silver trinkets.

Bikky's eyes widened as he saw people dripping with gems exiting stores and chatting happily to one another.

"Is this what it's like to be rich?" He asked in wonderment.

"Maybe," murmured Ryo, "I don't know…it's all…so…shiny." On the verge of delirium, Ryo wandered away with Bikky in tow. They stumbled along for a while before Bikky recognized the sign of the store, which had printed the catalogue he had been looking at earlier the other night in Ryo's apartment. A bright combination of down and up lights made the contents of glass display cases glare as the sun on a clear summer day. A squat and bored looking sales woman was hovering by a display of diamond studded watches, readjusting their position for what was most likely the zillionth time that hour.

"Umm, hello?" Bikky squeaked, unsure of himself and his surroundings. The woman jumped, upsetting the valuable wares. She stuffed them back into the cupboard before quickly turning to speak to them.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen." she said primly, "How may I help you?" Ryo was pushed forward by Bikky to deal with her. He spread his hands across the glass topped counter so as to not blind himself completely by the light shining up from below.

"Ohh, ahh…yes. My small friend is looking for something…"

"Really?" The beady eyes fixated themselves upon Bikky. "And just what did you have in mind, dear?" Bikky bit his lip as he pulled the glossy catalogue, albeit crumpled, of the store from his back pocket. He hated it when adults thought they automatically had the right to call you stupid things like 'dear' and 'love', especially strangers just because you were younger then they were. It was enough to drive a body up the wall.

"Umm…I was thinking about…I don't know…maybe a bracelet or something? It's for my friend."

"I see…" The woman smiled knowingly as she fumbled around for the keys to a particular cabinet. "Well let's take a look at what we've got here. I'm sure we'll find something she likes."

"SHE?" Bikky spluttered in horror. Now she was making assumptions- never mind that they were true-SHE?! Ryo smiled warmly and patted the boy's head. He himself had a vaguely similar experience in high school…that was when he had clearly defined ideas of heterosexuality. The woman made a few sickly simpering noises as she unlocked the cabinet and pulled out the tray of bracelets and necklaces, all neatly labeled and pinned precisely to a black foam backing so they stood out even more.

"How about this-"

"No." said Bikky resolutely.

"Well then, we've got this _lovely_-"

"Nope."

"An exquisite-"

"Nah."

"Young man will you at least let me _finish_?"

Bikky looked sheepish and mumbled something that sort of sounded like 'sorry' if you strained your ears enough.

"What did you have in mind Bikky? Did you already decide the other night?" Ryo said.

"Well…yes, sort of. I kinda wanted your opinion. I've got no idea about bloody jewelry." Bikky indicated a tiny silver bracelet hiding on the far corner of the tray. Dangling from it on a short length of chain were a few brass stars, stamped from sheet metal. It was pretty in a simple way. Ryo knew Carol would love it. She never was into the kind of gaudy trash her peers were.

"It's perfect." Ryo said bracingly.

"Really?" Bikky replied. Both of them were ignoring the twittering sales woman. "I don't know…" His face burned but he dug out his wallet and handed over a portion of his hard-earned cash to the manicured claws of the woman.

They left the store and by a Divine miracle, they mercifully escaped alive from the shopping center and caught a bus over to where Carol lived. Ryo waited for Bikky outside her apartment. He looked very smug and even attempted whistling a song with no tune whatsoever.

"I take it she liked your present?" Ryo said, holding open the door for them both.

Bikky had his hand over his cheek to hide a lipstick mark. "I'm pretty sure she did." he grinned.

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

a/n:

Well, my laziness and exams aside, the time has come to do some serious updating! I'm sorry to all my readers! Please don't beat me! curls into a defensive ball Though seriously, I hope to accomplish a lot more writing now that the holidays have kicked in officially.

More shout outs:

Tyger

heart of flame

Kitty in the Box

Chris-Redfield26

Ryo

Shirubaa Kitsune 

Thanks guys. Hope to see you all again real soon!

Phe-chan


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